Let’s Introduce The Class Pet

Fall term has started up again at Minami High School. What does this mean? A school assembly to welcome the students back, of course. I was told that I’d have to make a short speech that would ingratiate myself into the students’ good graces. It wasn’t anything special – pretty boring and predictable, but I threw something together.

At precisely 9:25 the entire school population gathered in the gymnasium. I walked in with my JTE and was greeted with line upon line of perfectly groomed, wrinkle-resistant students. The girls and boys were in separate lines and each row alternated – boy girl, boy girl and a good 85% of the girls sported the same two low-pigtail with a bit of fringe in the front hairstyle. It was like I was back in kindergarten.

A lone chair was set up for me to the far right of the students facing the stage. My JTE urged me to sit down but it seemed odd to me that I alone would be sitting while several hundred students, all the teachers and the principal all stood. I stood too. The principal welcomed the students back to school and started making a series of announcements about the upcoming school year; at least I assume that’s what he was doing. He could have really been telling them what happened to Keiffer Sutherland last season on 24 for all I know.

About three-quarters through his spiel the principal paused for a good period of time and suddenly closed his eyes tightly looking as though he was experiencing some sort of severe physical pain. All the students followed and group narcolepsy ensued. What the hell was going on?

It was one of three things. Either they were thanking the universe for their ability to be back at school and the great gift of life, or they were paying respects to someone for something. Or someone had died.

I know the Japanese verb meaning to die, but I hadn’t heard it. Chances are the principal used a different more polite verb because that was exactly what had happened: A teacher had died.

With that the principal moved on to the next order of business: me.

What an excellent time for the newly appointed class pet to make a self-introduction. I was called up to the stage looking out on a series of morose faces where another lone little folding chair sat by itself and beckoned to take a seat. It’s an awkward feeling to be sitting when everyone else in the room is standing up at attention as though they have pokers placed in uncomfortable areas.

I got up, did my thing in Japanese, a rough translation in English and then escaped off the stage.

Afterwards Geography-sensei pulled me aside and explained to me what had happened. A economics teacher at the school had died yesterday, hence the long moment of silence and the somewhat mediocre, lack-luster response to my mini-speech (OH GOD THEY HATE ME ALREADY). He began apologizing profusely with numerous ‘gomenasai, gomenasais’ and explained that it was just the way of the “Japanese heart.” Honestly, the students looked bored both before and after the announcement but I will take his word for it.

My radiant presence was required here for all of two minutes today. Monday it will be slightly longer.

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Published:
9.1.06 / 5pm
Category:
amusing incidents, what i call life, culture