David Diemer Smith: A Typical American

One of the classes I am ‘teaching’ is called “Foreign Affairs.” A mighty sophisticated (and grossly inappropriate) title for a class that is being taught by someone with absolutely NO credentials, at least in my opinion. The class is composed of eight girls. It’s nice and small but some of the girls are still reluctant to talk.

The textbook for the ever-mighty Foreign Affairs class is called “Welcome To My Country.” Inside the students can read about Balinese dancing, the tango in Argentina, mixed cultures in Spain, beautiful beach resorts that parallel Elysium in the Philippines, marriage in Pakistan, festivals in Bangladesh, rice cake soup called Deog-Gug in Korea, food and pearls in China, and homelessness in America.

While the chapter (and the term chapter here is a reach as each ‘chapter’ is about 2 pages) for Morocco is blandly called “Welcome to Morocco,” the section for America has a slightly more skewed and opinionated title: “Freedom vs. Security.”

Written supposedly by Mr. David Diemer Smith, a typical middle class WASP of an American with a strange middle name, the essay includes and outlines such helpful vocabulary and phrases such as “take the consequences,” “luck,” “homeless,” “poverty,” and “crime.”

Here’s a tidbit:

“Japanese society has many rules. I think many Japanese follow them. These rules have worked well until now and it has made Japan a rich country. When you make decisions in life, many Japanese ask their parents, friends and many other people for advice. If you follow rules and advice, you will not make big mistakes… Japan is very special in the world because almost everyone can enjoy a safe and comfortable life.”

Concerning my and David Diemer Smith’s country – the grand ol’US of A:

“Life in America is a little different…. Most Americans are creative. We are independent, but we must take the consequences of our decisions. When we try something new, we are not always successful. If Americans make a big mistake or have very bad luck, they may become homeless. Poverty and crime are big problems in our country.”

“The textbook is a little, well, it’s a little… radical,” said my JTE.

You don’t say.

All-around American ‘David Diemer Smith’ continues on the next page to relate his typical school schedule. The vocabulary in this book is hideously outdated: “Two or three times a semester we have a disco on a Friday or Saturday night.” Yes and if it’s not a disco we go to a Sadie Hawkins dance and then we all pile into Archie’s jalopy and go for 10 cent milkshakes at Pop’s Ice Cream Shoppe where we meet up with Joanie and Richie Cunningham. Concerning school lunch, David writes, “I ate ice cream everyday.” About commuting to school, “I usually went to school by school bus. The yellow school bus came around 7:05. But sometimes it was late. Waiting 20 minutes for the bus in winter was no fun.” Obviously biking eight miles up a hill in the snow is by far the wiser choice.

This ‘Mr. Smith’ (who I have an inkling is actually Mr. Tanaka or Mr. Namamoto) could have written about the fourth of July – a patriotic holiday where families get together around sparklers to celebrate the day their country became independent of European clutches, or about the amalgamation of cultures that is found in America, or the majestic Rocky Mountains, or even something as superficial as the wonder of Hollywood. Instead, the students are presented with America: independence + difference + imagination—> bad homeless misery a fiery death.

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Published:
9.15.06 / 5pm
Category:
classroom antics, amusing incidents, what i call life