The Odyssey… Does That Taste Anything Like A Lychee?

The Japanese take their seasonal cues either exclusively from visual stimuli or calendar dates. December has rolled around and the mountains, which have become my good friends these past four months, are decorated for the Christmas holidays with a bit of snow on their uppermost peaks. With a resounding squeal of glee I walk into the staff-room to find the two heaters, which they brought up several weeks ago to tempt and tantalize me, going full throttle. HORRAY! If they made decisions according to actual temperatures or Mother Nature’s will, I suspect these glorious contraptions that promise to keep my fingers and toes attached to their proper limbs would have been turned on much sooner.

The weather has become more and more suitable for polar bears and seals, which means one thing: Final exams. Determined to make my “Foreign Affairs” girls do better on the final than they had on the midterm I, ever-so-kindly, provided them with a “study guide.” I had high hopes that they would not again bastardize Roman history so brutally. Instead, this time I gave them ample opportunities to debase American Thanksgiving and Classical mythology.

Anyone who has gone to high school with me knows that my Latin study guides were legendary. I was the dork in the front tearing through reams of paper and using up an entire package of Bic mechanical pencils in one class. I took good notes and growled at anyone who attempted to interrupt me in my hallowed hall of learning.

When a test rolled around all these notes would be dutifully transferred to my PC where important terms would be made bold, words would be defined in different colors and entire passages of the Aeneid translated just as the teacher wanted them—verbs parsed and noun cases determined. A bit anal-retentive? Perhaps.

Now while I didn’t mind helping out my friends, it would be slightly irritating when some acquaintance I barely ever spoke to would randomly IM me online going, “Hey, Brenda, have you gotten the Latin cheat sheet yet? I can hook you up. I can hook. YOU. up!” Then he’d proceed to send me back my very own study sheet, the only difference being that it was now a size suitable for a Lilliputian. “Just print it out and put it in your glasses case, or up your sleeve. It’s AWESOME, DUDE, AHHHHSUM.”

I made these girls an equally useful study guide, almost hoping they, too, would print out “mini study guides,” start wearing long sleeves and bring their spectacles to class. I want them to do well. As long as they remember the material, I don’t have a problem with them having a good idea of what I intend to ask them. The final was strikingly similar to the study guide, with answer choices reorganized, two short answer questions and a couple of bonus questions added to help them out even more.

Fortunately, I was able to dig out my Happy Squirrels-Dressed-As-Pilgrims and Joyful-Turkeys-Wearing-Amish-Buckles Thanksgiving Day stickers and use a good few of them. However, a few answers still caused the vein in my forehead, which is growing larger every day, to throb a bit.

Question number seven was as follows:

7. A myth is a: A) dog B) dessert C) story

We spent a good ten minutes talking about this in class. The exact question was on the study guide. I went around to each student to assure them (in Japanese) that a myth and a story were the same. But apparently it’s a rare breed of dog as well, probably native to, oh, I don’t know, Greece. Although they’d probably argue Greenland.

I did a lesson on six of the Olympian gods. I simplified six of the most famous gods, made a handout, the whole shebang. They were interested and asked a number of questions – one thing led to another and the Odyssey came up; one of the greatest works in western literature. Now, while I don’t expect a sixteen-year old girl living in rural Japan to KNOW the Odyssey necessarily, part of me winced when I mentioned it and they all bellowed in unison that it was “A CAR!! A CAR!!!”

So THAT prompted question eleven:

11. The Odyssey is both a:
A) car AND a famous book B) only a car C) a fruit

We talked about it in class. I went around and explained in Japanese that it was also a famous book. MY JTE translated that every little kid in junior high school is generally forced to read about wily Odysseus, seductive Calypso and the man-eating, one-eyed Cyclops. And yet I have two votes that the Odyssey is, in fact, a fruit. Homer may have been blind but he’s, without a doubt, seeing red wherever he is.

One girl clearly cares fuckall about the class. All the short answer questions are left blank and she insults me and my country by claiming that Thanksgiving is in January. In indignant retaliation I gave her extra Thanksgiving Day stickers. She’ll probably think I’m off my rocker, as according to her, it’s not for another month.

I included one very challenging question where I asked them to pick one god or goddess and write two sentences about him/her. Something simple – hell, copy it from the matching column up on top – that would have been lovely. One was brainy enough to see that.

But one girl writes, “ God. Movie. Talk.”

As much as I wanted to, I simply couldn’t give her points for writing what sounded like shorthand for a date to chill with God at the movies next weekend.

Scores ranged from 32/50 to 51/50 so the study guide clearly did some good. Next time I’ll shrink it down and show them how we Americans roll up our sleeves.

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Published:
12.4.06 / 6pm
Category:
classroom antics, amusing incidents