OH GOD, OH GOD. WHAT THE *%$#!@*% IS THAT??!

I had this abnormally large amount of salt taking up room in my rather marvelously large kitchen. ‘What on earth can I possibly to do with all this salt?’ I pondered to myself. And then it hit me like a cartoonish anvil of steel.

The answer was glaringly obvious: Leeches.

Leeches hate salt. Everyone hates leeches. Where can I find leeches? Malaysia. So in a brilliant endeavor to do a bit of good in the world and capture some good karma, I purposefully bought my ticket and packed up my NaCl. For the next week I shall be braving the wilds of Malaysia—tea plantations, rain forests, beaches, cities and backwater buses that are going to god only knows where driven by quirky grinning Malaysian men in sarongs and jaunty caps who go by the name of “Jimmy.”

I expect wild adventures. I expect beautiful beaches with aquamarine crystal water that shall envelop me in velvety liquid. I expect insects that have riding potential should I find a suitable saddle. I expect questionable chalets complete with holey mosquito nets. I expect at least one near run in with a rhino. I expect all cuisine to be served on gigantic banana leaves by orangutans as I am fanned with frighteningly large palm leaves. And lastly, but hardly leastly, I expect the leeches in the rain forest to wither and die once that dreaded salt shaker is pulled out and viciously shaken at them.

So adieu for now. Expect me back a little tanner, a little wiser, or perhaps completely scared shitless that bugs that size exist at all.

Can’t wait to get to that equator.

Cheers!

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Published:
4.25.07 / 7pm
Category:
what i call life, travel, culture