Kinki Beckons Her Sultry Little Finger.

a green skittle

Suddenly, miraculously, they all can say,
Their names, their ages, the correct time of day!
What’s going on? How could this be?
Is this just because of little ol’ me?

But then, the progress, it halters. It stops.
All my lessons consistently flop.
“I’M TIRED” I groan. “Let me sit on my ass!”
“You can’t honestly expect me to come to class,
“I’m a shell of a human. I’m a zilch and a zero,
“Let me stay in the staff room watching Ando and Hiro.

In an ALT’s world, May torments our minds,
Where we are from, we’d soon be shedding the binds,
Of school completely. After all, it IS summer,
But Japanese kids really face a bummer.

“School all year long!” Proclaims the emperor one day,
“Even in July, August and May!
“These kids will learn English, I tell you, they will!
“They’ll learn useful words like, ‘aethesticist’ and ’swill!’
“Outdated, ugly names like Marge, Betty and Dick,
“We’ll repeat and repeat. And damnit, they’ll stick!

Ten months into the program, ALTs become a bit dotty,
Our crotches are in pain, our vision is spotty.
Our Ls have become blurry, our Vs sound like Bs,
We don’t say “god bless you” to our friends when they sneeze.

The girls are complaining about an increase in weight,
Boys are now studs, who back home had no dates.
So to soothe us over, and prevent us from fleeing,
To remind us that we’re still human beings,
CLAIR makes arrangements in the land ‘o the kinki,
Devises workshops in the realm of the dinky.
We’ll all learn what’s it’s like to be a ‘Gay On JET,’
How to smile and nod and be a charming class pet.

Thousands of ALTS: a hotel manager’s worst fear,
Because to us life really is just skittles and beer.

Long winded way of saying: I have a “business trip.” Back (not too) soon!

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Published:
5.25.07 / 3pm
Category:
what i call life, travel, unschoolish