When It Comes To Hamster Testicles, I’m A Woebegone Failure.

Kangaroo. Pelvis. Snaggletoothed Wombat. Chopin. Cheese doodle. Ragamuffin. Spaghetti Bolognese. Scanty. Men in tights. Puma. Femur. Hippopotamus. Numbnuts.

There now, that should get a few more hits on Google.

One of the joys of having a private domain is that I can have a look at how people end up here. The phrases that people search for have not ceased to amaze me.

Some of them are normal, commonplace and allow me to rest in peace knowing that whoever it was was genuinely looking for my page:

“nicolecleary,” “nicolecleary.com,” “Nicole in Japan,” “niihama”.

And then there are the searches that are mildly Japan related:

“Caucasian Japanese ancestry,” “living in japan,” “Hokkaido jets” “houses made of paper,” and the like.

And then there are the ones that seem harmless enough, but are just creepy enough to make one’s skin crawl a bit:

“Japanese word adore children” “sweet Japanese students” ‘next door nikki,” “boys.”
Whoever searched for “boy” may want to narrow their search field a tad bit.

And then there are the ones that are just straight up people looking for porn:

“large man testicles photos,” “smutty,”

And then there are the words that don’t exist that somehow or another I have managed to include on my blog:

“effexor.”

It LOOKS like a deponent Latin verb, but it’s not. I would love to know what an effexor is. Someone who continually vexes people with tedious comments, driving their audience so mad that they want to kick puppies and drown bunnies? A large tin colored machine that allows us to toss people in and morph them within seconds into marsupials?

But all this aside, the one that truly won me over was:

“photo of hamster testicles.”

A thousand apologies, Curious Sweet Viewer. Google has made a mistake. I have no hamster testicles with which to delight you with, but give me time and I may be able to deliver, Japanese people eat all kinds of crazy things.

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Published:
7.13.07 / 10am
Category:
amusing incidents, what i call life, unschoolish