… So Are You REALLY That Dull?

… no. Not really. But this is the Internet where no one is who they really are to begin with in the first place at the start. In fact, this whole thing is just a figment of your imagination. Wait, what?

So, who are you, REALLY?

You can call me Nicole. Or Nic. Nikki works too as that’s what all the the high school students call me. The Japanese form of Nicole, “ni ko ru,” sounded far too much like an industrialized solvent for me to want to use it. “HARRO HEY YOU HEY YOU” usually gets my attention as well.

Where did you matriculate from… you WERE in college?

I am a proud (and recent) graduate of NYU making me a fully blossomed Fighting Violet. I was one of the few NYU students who happened not to be a flamboyant gay man or a pot head hippie.

What did you study?

I’m so glad you asked! I was a Classics maj …Zzz Zzz…. Yes, I studied Latin, ancient history, snazzy old rocks and books that everyone tries to duck out of reading. I was a music minor as well - just for my own amusement. I can play the piano but sadly no one will ever pay to hear me, and if you ask me to invert triads quickly, chances are I will cry.

When was the world blessed with your radiant presence?

December 14. Make a note. That makes me a Sagittarius, an archer. We are thought to be ‘dynamic, ethical, humorous, generous, open-hearted, compassionate, and energetic characters,’ but ‘also prone to pridefulness, foolishness, impulsiveness, impracticality, and superstition.’ According to Wikipedia anyway. However, it also says that I should have a ‘tall, broad figure, and fair hair,’ so make of that what you will. But I’m associated with centaurs, Pegasus and Thor, so that’s awesome.

What are you up to these days?

I write erotic novels. For children.
No but really, after a year long, mind-numbingly painful process, the JET Programme finally decided they were going to take a chance on me and allow me to ‘teach’ English to Japanese High School kids. I’m a lowly ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) at the moment - being paid to sit here and look pretty, play on my computer, read books, study Japanese and stifle a yawn every so often, while the other teachers all shuffle around the staff room in their slippers looking incredibly busy occasionally shooting me the odd dirty look.

Interests? You must have something going on upstairs? No? Really?

I likes the music. Indie rock and classical usually suffice. Middle of no where Japan is not the best place for finding concerts, however.

Books. Nicole likes to read. David Sedaris, Roald Dahl, Stephen Fry, Dave Eggers, Bill Waterson and Chuck Palahniuk’s can usually keep me entertained for hours. I harbor jealous thoughts towards their wives, husbands, children, friends, pets, plants, furniture.

Video games. After wiling away HOURS (and killing my eyesight) playing Zelda and Secret of Mana with my sister as a child I got hooked. I drool a little at the mouth at the prospect of a Wii. I have managed to finagle a Wii for myself in pokey ol’ Niihama.

Photographs. They manage to capture a single moment in time the way you happened to see it. They usually come out a bit crap on my camera and then I mange to finagle them into something that looks much prettier than what I originally saw. Then I send them to people making them wild with jealousy that where they are isn’t half as ‘beautiful.’

Travel. My parents were kind enough to expose me at a fairly early age to the miracle and scientific impossibility of flight. I now relish racking up stamps (STAMPS!!!11) on my passport. I’ve ventured to England, Ireland, Spain, France, Italy, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Macau, Malaysia, China, Tibet and Canada. I was fortunate enough to be able to call Rome my home for a good half a year.

So where the hell are you now?

I’m currently in the Ehime prefecture on the island of Shikoku in Japan. It’s that small island of little consequence south of Honshu whose name no one ever bothers to remember. I even have difficulty sometimes. I prefer to simply call it “Ze Love Princess” as that is its proper (and sexy) nickname.

How can I possibly contact you when you’re all the way in Japan?

There are ways. Email for starters. I heart email. I can be reached at nac238@nyu.edu. Japan is also the capital of telepathic communication. You could try that too.

Do you have any idea what you’re doing with this website?

A vague idea. It’s a learning experience. I’ve escaped the clutches of the sluggardly iWeb, so things are looking up. I just want to document whatever crazy stuff may or may not happen during my time in Japan.

Hey, you’re kind of funny looking. You’re… Italian? WAIT, NO. SRI LANKAN? CHINESE? HANG ON, WHAT WAS BRENDA FROM 90210? …ARMENIAN? BRAZILIAN? … I KNOW! BLACK!

Nah. I’m Eurasian, meaning I have a couple genes that go waaay back to Europe and a few genes that trace back to Asia. Japan and Ireland to be precise. This means absolutely nothing except that I like potatoes as well as sushi, I have the Irish constitution for drinking but the Japanese tolerance, and whilst I can have a belligerent temper at times, it is often stifled by the Japanese impulse to avoid confrontation.

But none of this really matters because I am a New Yorker through and through.

… Rest assured, I don’t own a gun or keep a knife stuffed in my boot.

What’s your favorite thing about Japan thus far?

I would have to say the rigid rules on how to fold a dirty pillow case, biking twenty miles in the rain uphill only to be told I have no classes to “teach” that day, the teeny tiny fish that one eats thinking that they are some rare form of rice with eyes, paying for drinking parties that no one ever invites me to, oh and the surprise earthquakes that happen every so often.

What do you want it to say on your tombstone?

Quod sum eris. “I am, what you will be.”